Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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