my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it glows. i had to have it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
