he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
