last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.