I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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