I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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