My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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