The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
