Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
