there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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