what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
