You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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