I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Acid is not a monday night drug
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
