what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
