TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
