guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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