Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
