ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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