it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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