Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
