Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
