nut hugger
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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