Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
