I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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