just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
