True but thats because hes a fetus.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
