I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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