I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize