So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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