Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
