"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize