"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
