What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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