I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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