Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
