I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
