I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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