just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
