I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
