Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
