before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
