Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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