ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
