Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
