Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
