I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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