omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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