I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
