This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
