She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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