Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
