just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
