If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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