toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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