Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
