How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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