11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize