Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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