one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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