Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
