Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
