so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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